Mike - thanks for commenting. Yeah. Not being married to that man is definitely something to be grateful for.

Won - thank you, I am breathing right now, or trying to!

T - I so get it about being right vs. being happy and letting him disturb my peace. I also realize that I have become somewhat attached to the 24/7 single mom identity, and his coming back will require me to stop seeing myself as the virtuous, long-suffering 24/7 single mother. Perhaps that is also underlying some of the anger!

Dad’s - thank you for the reminder that I can choose compassion. I have flickers of that but right now I am not able to stay there long. My intention is to live from that place and I hope it will be more accessible to me soon.

Hanna - best of luck tonight. I will be thinking of you and hope you’ll let us know how it goes.

Doing any of those things categorizes him and forms an attachment in your mind. A fourth option is to simply let go and feel deep compassion for him. Otherwise, you build up a pain body inside yourself. Whether you associate with him, that pain is still inside you.

A Course in Miracles asks, “Would you rather be right or happy?”

Of course, all of us choose “Both.”

We all want to be right. But what is “right” exactly? All of us are acting or reacting to perceived actions of another. He perceives attack from you and therefore, he attacks back. He sees himself as separate from you. You, of him. In that “separateness”, there is only attack and hate. It is only when we can notice the “sameness”, see what it is we “hate” about ourselves that we’ve projected onto another… or what we “love” about ourselves that we’ve projected….that’s when we can see past the veil of pain.

Saying all of that, of course you know I have some understanding of how you see this situation. I, too, would feel very protective and angry. But I think its amazing that you are able to take responsibility for your actions and for the power you are allowing him to take from you… simply by his disturbing your peace. You always have that peace. And it only grows by sharing it.

The very fact that you can bless him as your teacher, tells me that you understand this lesson very well. Do your best to hold on to that. And share that peace. Hopefully, he’ll get it very soon.

((Hugs))

Just kidding about that of course, but wanted to thank you for the reminders you offered me today in reading what you had written.

Sometimes, all we can do is breathe in and breathe out. At least for myself anyhow…and to know that is good enough at that moment.

Please surround yourself right now with genuine people who care about you, okay?